Porno buddies

Dirty as the title may be, this is hilarious!!

A Conversation from the "Coupling" series

Steve has just asked Susan out and she is doing her research on him

Susan: That Steve guy u know. How well do u know him. R u close
Jeff: Close! We are porn buddies
Susan: Porn buddies
Jeff: Oh yea
Susan: Is this a code, when u 2 were in prison or something.
Jeff: No, No, No, it’s a safety precaution
Jeff: Like a scuba diver he dives with a buddy in case he runs out of air
Susan: So r u telling me that a porn buddy stands for somebody who stands by with oxygen.
Jeff: No, many years ago, Steve and I exchange house keys
Susan: R u sure this is not a code
Jeff: This is not code
Susan: All right
Jeff: In the event of Steve s death, the first thing I would do (pause) upset though I would be, is to go to his house and remove all the pornography, before his parents can find it.
Susan: So cute!!
Jeff: And he s supposed to do the same for me. That s how close we are.
Susan: U guys have seriously made arrangements to destroy ur dirty mags.
Jeff: Who said destroy? (Grinning)
Susan: U wouldn’t keep them. Would u
Jeff: It’s a perk
Susan: Oh Jeff (walks away)
Jeff: That s the beauty of it u see, ur best friends dead, but there s a bright side to it.

Jai Ho!!!

I was going through the billboard charts a little earlier and I saw A R Rehman s song listed in hot 100 charts. Yep! The one with the pussy cat dolls. Is he the first Indian artist to break into the billboard charts as well? I am not sure, ill probably have to do a little more research to confirm that one. Too lazy do that right now, lazy Sunday evening and all that. I think ill go back to seeing "Coupling" instead.

Either way! Polite Applause to the Oscar winner! Although, I preferred the original to the pussycat doll version.

Ironies of life

When I was a child, I spoke as a child
I understood as a child, I thought as a child
But when I became a man
I put childish things away

Ref : 1 Corinthians 13:11

My version of the above....

When I was a child,
I spoke as a child,
I understood as a child,
But thought I was a man.

But when I became a man
I dint put my childish things away
I wished I was still a child!!

Lazy sunday evening...

i was reading some calvin & Hobbes strips on a lazy sunday evening on google to cheer myslf up and i felt i just had to put this up here.

My Recurring Dream

I have positioned myself in the centre of a terrace on top of a skyscraper. My infamous smirk is the striking thing which is radiant on my face. Oh! That can’t be good coz I am about to do something suicidal. (Yea, I d like to think there s always a method to my madness, but in this case, there are none.)

I turn around and sprint towards the edge of the terrace with the swiftness of an elf and jump. While free falling, my smirk is more radiant than ever and the sensation is of eternal bliss!!


SNAP!!

What to make of it! I have no idea.

In reality, one things for sure, after my experience with the reverse bunjee, my reaction to free falling is definitely not a smirk and the feeling of eternal bliss. Maybe, I have just watched too much of the Matrix.

Shiny Disco Lights!!

It’s been couple of months since I have hit the shiny disco light s and now I am beginning to miss it. The rammed to the rafter with the brightest laser, the up-for-it crowd, some long forgotten classic club songs and the atmosphere in general.

My good friend Docs freedom s been taken away from May, the poor soul is getting married and has no idea what is going to hit him. The well mannered, soft spoken chap that he is, I am sure he s going be all right long after tying the knot. However, as good friends we have taken an oath to show what he s leaving behind. And in the process of showing him a good time, we have also pledged that all of us are going to move our lazy arses from this weekend till may.

Shiny Disco Lights! Here we come!!!

Amused!!!

I was driving to work today morning and I heard the strangest thing on radio. Apparently, the service provided by a website is , it offers prayers for you three times a day for $5 a month. And all religions are entertained and the prayer would be made in the customs of the respective religion.
Hmmm…hmmm… Speechless!!!
If anybody can make any sense out of it, give me a shout.

Time is a healer

I have had this song (yaaron dosti….) ringing in my head for the last couple of days. I really couldn’t figure out why. And now I do.

This was the last song that was played after every house party at Unit 6, Norfolk Park where the hommie’s had to hug each other and just had to sing. LAME! Yes! It was.. But then when smashed out of your bloody mind. Anything goes!!

It’s kind of strange because from best friends, all of us went to can’t stand each other in no time. First six month s were full of great moments and countless memories (good ones). And then the unfortunate move to 31 St Ronan’s road happened. That was the year when Shilpa Shetty made her mark internationally with the whole big brother episodes. If there were cameras in our house and it was nationally televised, we would have given a good run for her money. With all the Miss Shewt’s and Miss Shiws tantrums, Miss Shwets and my constant make up and break ups (which happened every other day), Mr. G Well! Let’s just say creating a riot was in his nature. To be honest, I can’t remember y I was so pissed with Miss Shiw. The only person I dint have any issues was with Sid. But it dint matter, Sid had major issues with Miss Shiw and Mr G. Shwets and Sid had a very strange relationship as well. She would call him her brother one moment and the next moment u could see him getting kicked out of his own room. :). We dint have to see any reality shows. We were in one.

After dismantling of the whole group, (to everybody s relief) sanity prevailed. I am in touch with most of them and surprisingly am able to forge some kind of sane relationship with them. The whole experience has taught me one important lesson, which is u can have a striking relationship with anybody under normal circumstances, but living together, a whole different ball game.

Whoops Moment!!

Couple of years ago…

Me sharing a private moment with .............

THUD! THUD! THUD!!

Mr.M: Arshad Miya! HED KANDI NIGHT!! GATECRASHERS CALLING!!
Me: (Sleepish Tone) Dude! I am not well, u guys carry on…
MrG: What! No way! U never Miss Hed Kandi night
Me: (Sleepish Tone) I am not well mate
Mr.M: Dude! Open the door

(Frantic gestures in the background)

Me: (Sleepish Tone) I will see guys tomorrow
Mr.M: All right! R u sure u r gonna be all right
Me: (Sleepish Tone) yep
Mr.G: Dude do u wanna to see a doctor or something
Me: (Sleepish & irritated Tone) Nope! I am gonna be allright
Mr.M: R u Sure
Me: (Sleepish & irritated Tone) yeaaaaa
Mr.G to Mr.M: Dude! I think he’s gotta girl in there
Mr.M: Miya!! R u sure u don’t have a girl in there
Me: ( Sleepish Tone) No way mate
Mr.G : Dude! Why don’t u open the door
Me: (Sleepish Tone) Dude! I am not well!! Ill See u tomorrow
Mr.M to Mr.G: Let it be mate
(Sigh of relief)

Half an hour later

THUD! THUD! THUD

Mr.M: Arshad Miya! R u sure u r not coming
Me: SHUT THE F*** UP AND GET THE F*** OUT
Mr.M & Mr.G together: (laughing their heads out) He‘s definitely got a girl in there
Me: (WHOOPS!!!!!)

Another one bites the dust

Come to think of it, its not one it’s four. Yes! Four of my friends are getting married in the next couple of months. And I am thinking to myself, Damn I am not even close. But it’s not such a bad thing at all actually. Having tasted the preview version of it, I am kind of happy that I am not even close. Presently, I am at a zone where I am just content with life. Work is all right, surrounded by decent friends to hang out with after work and my priced possession of all - freedom to live and let live…

What ever goes around, comes around

I was speaking to Miss T the other day about my Weird moment ( Refer to the earlier post ‘Weird Moment’)

Miss T: U deserve it
Me: (Appalled) y! What makes you say that?

Miss T explains an incident which I had clearly forgotten.

Me: Don’t tell me you had anything to with a guy coming onto me.
Miss T: No I dint, but u still deserved it!!

As I recall….

Bunch of friends and I (Miss T included, obviously) were club hopping and finally ends up at AI.
My state of mind: Nice and High

Miss T: WOW!! That girl is….
Me: (with a naughty smile) do u like her??
Miss T: She is sooo preettyyy!!.
Me: wait right here…

I walk up to the so called pretty girl..

Me: hey! Have you ever been hit on by a girl?
Miss T s Crush: (Totally dazed) Nope.
Me: My friend over there thinks you are really pretty
Miss T s Crush: (Blushing)
Me: Would you want to meet her.
Miss Ts Crush: Sure

Both of us go over to Miss T, after I introduce the two them to each other, I say ‘my work here is done’ and goes off to the bar to get myself a drink.

I guess the saying is true, what ever goes around comes around and I must say it does come real fast. My weird moment happened the next weekend.

PS: My moment of salvation - Miss T is not to be considered a lesbian in any way. i was just playing with her. :)

Why Kids dont tell their parents the whole story!!

My mother finally found out about my Asthma attack and as expected I got an earfull for my dirty little habit called smoking. :)

Late sitting

This is a mail sent by Mr.Narayanan Murthy to all Infosys staff on late sitting.

It's half past 8 in the office but the lights are still on... PCs still running, coffee machines still buzzing... And who's at work? Most of them??? Take a closer look... All or most specimens are?? Something male species of the human race... Look closer... again all or most of them are bachelors... And why are they sitting late? Working hard? No way!!! Any guesses???

Let's ask one of them... Here's what he says... 'What's there 2 do after going home...Here we get to surf, AC, phone, food, coffee that is why I am working late...Importantly no bossssssss!!!!!!!!!!!'

This is the scene in most research centers and software companies and other off-shore offices. Bachelors 'Passing-Time' during late hours in the office just because they say they've nothing else to do... Now what r the consequences... 'Working' (for the record only) late hours soon becomes part of the institute or company culture

With bosses more than eager to provide support to those 'working' late in the form of taxi vouchers, food vouchers and of course good feedback, (oh, he's a hard worker... goes home only to change..!!). They aren't helping things too... To hell with bosses who don't understand the difference between 'sitting' late and 'working' late!!! Very soon, the boss start expecting all employees to put in extra working hours. So, My dear Bachelors let me tell you, life changes when u get married and start having a family... office is no longer a priority, family is... and That's when the problem starts... b'coz u start having commitments at home too. For your boss, the earlier 'hardworking' guy suddenly seems to become a 'early leaver' even if u leave an hour after regular time... after doing the same amount of work. People leaving on time after doing their tasks for the day are labelled as work-shirkers... Girls who thankfully always (its changing nowadays... though) leave on time are labelled as 'not up to it'. All the while, the bachelors pat their own backs and carry on 'working' not realizing that they r spoiling the work culture at their own place and never realize that they would have to regret at one point of time. So what's the moral of the story?? * Very clear, LEAVE ON TIME!!! * Never put in extra time ' unless really needed ' * don’t stay back unnecessarily and spoil your company work culture which will in turn cause inconvenience to you and your colleagues.

There are hundred other things to do in the evening.. Learn music... Learn a foreign language... Try a sport... TT, cricket......... Importantly, get a girl friend or boy friend, take him/her around town... * And for heaven's sake, net cafe rates have dropped to an all-time low (plus, no fire-walls) and try cooking for a change.

Take a tip from the Smirnoff ad: *'Life's calling, where are you??'* Please pass on this message to all those colleagues and please do it before leaving time, don't stay back till midnight to forward this!!!

IT'S A TYPICAL INDIAN MENTALITY THAT WORKING FOR LONG HOURS MEANS VERY HARD WORKING & 100% COMMITMENT ETC. PEOPLE WHO REGULARLY SIT LATE IN THE OFFICE DON'T KNOW TO MANAGE THEIR TIME. SIMPLE!

Regards,
Narayanan Murthy

Sulking Away!!

Yes!! The unimaginable has happened. Manchester united has lost back to back matches after four years and in the most spectacular way. They lost to their arch rival s liverfools 4-1 and against fulham 2-0 and in the process picked up three red cards. Vidic get s a two match suspension. Rooney and Paul scholes are awaiting their decisions for how many match bans they are going to get. Things defintily not looking so good for united.

The funny thing is two weeks back; all the pundits were saying

‘Title in the bag for Manchester united’.
‘United favorite’s to do the unimaginable clean sweep this season’.

And for good reason, they are World club champions, European champions and domestic champions. They conceded the least amount of goals and have scored the maximum number of goals so far this season. They were cruising along with a 7 point lead and a game in hand. And within two games the title race is wide open again. Life is such a leveler. It Sucks!!

And hence I am going to sulk and laze my weekend away and not take any calls from my friends. I know I am going to get killed, Bloody Man eaters!! :((((((

PS: the F for P in Liverpool was intentional and not a spelling mistake.

Wierd Moment

Some months ago…

I am a very average dancer. However, I have this great chemistry with a friend of mine on the dance floor. The Grind, the Jive…. The works... We seem to be able to anticipate each others moves. I really do have a good time when I go out clubbing with her.

We were at AI the other day and dancing away, a random guy who I keep bumping into at parties pats me on the back and says “U dance well”

Think about it, how do you respond when a guy tells u dance well!! I mean if it was a girl, I would be more than happy to dance with her the next song…..:)

I finally ended up mumbling something like uumm….yea…allright….thank you…:)

Mother always knows!!

My mother calls s up at an inappropriate time to find out how I am doing. I was having one those mild asthma attacks

My Actual response: will have to call you back later.

My thoughts: yea! My heart is beating faster than normal, feels like my lungs is about to explode and I am having difficulty breathing, other than that its all good.

But, u have to hand it to her for the timing of the call. Its like how the saying goes, Mother always knows!!

Conversation between Uncle and Niece

Aaliya: Chachu
Arshad: Yes Aaliya
Aaliya:Chachuu
Arshad: Yess Aaliya
Aaliya: Chahuuuu
Arshad: Aaaliaaa...
Aaliya: Chachuuu..hs wbg uov ikbfk oas hgonjao n bgo bn
Arshad: (Stumped Expression)
Aaliya: Chachuuu..lal al ju ienh jdbvu jude bn ujb viu bu biou
Arshad: Still Stumped..
Aaliya: (Aaliya s expression changes to, This Idiot doesnt understand anything)

My Saturday Night Date....

Personally, I couldn’t be around with women for too long with a low IQ. But don’t get me wrong, I need my women to be beautiful, but I just don’t find them interesting enough if they are just beautiful. But Hey!! Thats just me!!

I was out with this most amazing girl last night. She had the cutest smile, the most beautiful eyes and adorable dimples and a certain amount eccentric naughtiness. I couldn’t understand most things she was saying, and yet it was quite an enjoyable experience. The only words I could figure out were Chachu, lalallala, thank you, ur welcome…everything else sounded gibberish to me. . She was making me run ragged all over City Walk.

PS: Oh! I might have forgotten to mention something. The girl mentioned above was my one and half year old niece….:)

Writers Block

How do u respond to somebody who says he s got a "writers block" when he has nt written anything significant in his life???
OH! BTW that somebody is me. i used to use that as an excuse when somebody says to me "U know, u should start blogging". Well the fact of the matter is I am just plain lazy and Miss R now u know the reason behind my FWD.

Mothers Scandalous Moment - 1

Some time in 2006….
It was my first experience with snow; everybody in the house was so excited and very kicked about throwing snow balls at each other. One of the girls had a very bright idea and says “We should play Dog and the Bone”.
During the game Miss S who was trying to tag me slip s and in the process grabs my shirt. As a consequence, she scratches me on my upper chest with her very short nails. I still have the marks of that to date.
Some time in 2008…
My mother see s the mark and the caring person that she is, is very inquisitive about how I got those marks, to which I dint give a response and changed the topic. (I just love torturing my mum…)
After much persistence from my mothers side, I give my infamous smirk and respond “Women” and walks away…….

Scary thought

For people contemplating marriage!!

Were you the same person you were five years ago???
The fact of the matter is you are not going to be the same person five years from now. And you are not going to need and want the same things then.

Like Spencer Johnson Quotes in “Who moved my Cheese”

“The only thing constant in this world is change”

Everybody changes and evolves according to their circumstances.
Now the question is if you and your partner don’t evolve in the same direction.
Then what?? Scary thought, ain’t it??

Stalkers Song

If ever there is a Stalkers Song, this has to be it.
Music is brillinant though......

"How I wish you could see the potential, the potential of you and me
It's like a book elegantly bound, but in a language that you can't read just yet
You gotta spend some time--love, you gotta spend some time with me
And I know that you'll find--love, I will possess your heart

There are days when outside your window, I see my reflection as I slowly pass
And I long for this mirrored perspective, when we'll be lovers, lovers at last
You gotta spend some time--love, you gotta spend some time with me
And I know that you'll find--love, I will possess your heart"

Ref: Deathcab for Cutie

Guys Side of the story

Finally a jobless guy has taken the time write something about it.
Girlfriends, Wives... FYI
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Saturday night football. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And No; we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials...
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really!!
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as SEX, FOOTBALL, CARS1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. Thank you for reading this.Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

PS: These are all numbered "1"ON PURPOSE!

Title

I came up with three titles for my blog and these were my friend’s reactions:

1. Rebel without a cause. (Inspired from a Tom Petty song
I cant really remember)

Comment: “y, r u suffering form amnesia these days” Thanks Rashmi

2. Confessions of a dangerous mind. (Movie Title)
Comment: “Dangerous mind. Seriously mate!! R u kidding me I think
your danger to yourself than to anybody else.”

3. Mindless wandering of an adolescent soul.

Comment: “We all know you’re daft in the head. Now u r gonna
let the whole world know that ur one. Adolescent Soul….lol…”

Boys and Girls thank you for all your insightful thoughts but I have
decided to go with “Rebel without a cause” considering me being lost
in my experiences at the moment. And by the way, Reshmi I do use
Selective memory loss as an excuse to get out of awkward conversations
and tight situations.