"If you appear mashed, smashed or totally plastered you will not be allowed into tonight's game."
Heard on the tannoy outside the Wellington Phoenix versus Perth Glory A league match.
"The staff at the car park have found a wallet (slight pause) it's got about about £4,000 cash in it so...yeah....that would be great if you could claim that..."
At Plymouth v Coventry on Easter Saturday.
"Would the owner of the Vauxhall, registration number xxxxxx, please report to the nearest steward as you have left the handbrake off and it has rolled into the car behind you."
Shortly afterwards....
"Would the owner of the Ford Fiesta, registration number xxxxxx, please also report to the nearest steward as yours is the one that has been hit."
From the Wycombe Wanderers-Brentford game."
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